Unless its to babysit, don't call me.

There are some phone calls I prefer to duck. I don't always want to talk to Aunt So-and-so and my husband's boss, and especially anybody collecting money.
At the same time, I need to put my phone in a place where I can charge it. So it charges in the morning while I get dressed and go about the general getting ready routine.
Ring-ring. Darn. Underwear not even on yet. Children in other room with Wonder Pets, but with only a few more minutes before they get bored and look for entertainment elsewhere, like picking the leaves off of my houseplants that spent so much effort getting as long as it did only to be tormented by my two toddlers.
Ring-Ring. Ring.....heeeeewoooo?
Uh oh. The Wonder Pets must have lost their wonder.
I run into my kitchen in the buff, with windows wide open, hoping my kids don't have the ability to make memories yet. I grab the phone from my son and begin speaking to my husband's aunt. She's over 70 and likes to talk. She doesn't like to get off of the phone. And she's childless, which means she doesn't get the cuteness of a toddler saying hewoooo and she certainly doesn't appreciate the difficulty of trying to have a conversation with toddlers in the room.
Oh, hiiiiiiii! I feign enthusiasm.
She begins chatting with her seemingly predetermined agenda of topics, none of which seem to need a lot of input from me. My son is quite pissed that I took away HIS phone and is now hell-bent on destroying everything that is important to me in the house. Things are flying around all about the living room. I try and stop him, while quickly running back to the kitchen to remove a knife from my daughter's hands. Where did she get that? My origami-a-day calendar goes flying off of my piano in the other room. Husband's Aunt stopped talking. Apparently it is my time to talk. Shoot, what was she saying? A door slams. My son is now unattended in the bathroom, and I'm pretty sure its not to do a poo in the toilet. I'm still in the nude.
"Yeah, now isn't a great time to talk. Can I call you back?"
"Suuuure, but I just wanted to ask you about next week. So listen, we are going to meet you on Saturday. Or Sunday. Now I've forgotten which. See, I'm pretty sure I'm meeting the girls on Saturday. Did I tell you I joined the Rotary Club? They meet on the 1st and 3rd week of the month. Or 1st and 4th. It could be the 3rd and 4th, actually."
I finally get the key for the bathroom to open it because my two year old knows how to lock doors. I open it and find out that while he is smart enough to navigate the ins and outs of locksmithery, he hasn't figured out that the toilet scrubber isn't a toothbrush.
"OK I have to go NOW. I'll call you later."
Bitch, she thinks to herself. His side of the family never liked me anyway.

This is the Angry Housemom.